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My writing, my self

I create personal writing that shows you how a girl survives the loss of her mother and grows up safely. How did her mom give her that inner strength? What surprising ingredients kept this eleven-year-old from going off the rails as a teen? How did she eventually find contentment? These are some of the questions I explore in my writing. I’m writing a book-length memoir, Girl Next Door (working title, may change), about the inner strength that came from my mother and my family and friends. This Substack is related to the book, loosely.

I was a nontraditional girl, a tomboy. When my mother had cancer and eventually died, I lost my confidence but I had a strong sense of who I was. The inner compass I discovered, thanks to my mother’s total belief in me, allowed me to take one safe step at a time. I looked at what was within reach; I chose what to include in my life from the limited visible options; I chose what to exclude by looking ahead and sensing risk. I found adventure by riding my bike rather than by joining a crowd.

I’ve tried to braid my life’s threads together, keeping a sense of continuity with the person I’ve been at every stage of my life. I still find inspiration in the things I enjoyed as a child, and before I could drive, and when I was always broke: journal writing, reading, bike riding, exploring, finding the natural world in the city. These things make me feel the essence of who I really am and have always been. I’m the opposite of a person who shuns delving into their past. 

Aside from writing, I’m a personal trainer, teaching barbell lifting to adults. It turned out that when my clients are lifting, we tend to use the short rest periods to talk about life’s questions. I love those moments when a person can think and we can connect through lighthearted conversation. I want everyone to have enough space and quiet, throughout their week, to take their own preferences and needs into account. Patience is my favorite virtue. The heart’s inner workings take their own time.