I might get in trouble for this

Innovation in sport: apple bowling

A neighbor's ripe-ish apples fall on the grass above a retaining wall made of boulders, above our driveway. The driveway slopes very steeply down to the street. When an apple falls on the driveway, it usually rolls down the drive and takes a right turn down the sloped street, out of sight (outtasight!). We like to imagine them plunging downhill for all of the three blocks to Rainier Avenue, the busy arterial street, in a desperate getaway. And then getting turned into applesauce. 

Sometimes, instead of taking the downhill right turn, I’d seen an apple on the driveway hit a big enough bump, with enough speed, to bounce it up onto the curb directly across the street. (Wow! Lol.)

This morning I toe-flicked a round apple off of our driveway flowerbed. It bounced off one retaining wall, then the opposite one, then zoomed across the street slightly uphill on the bounce; it hit some dry grass and bounced again, barely downhill across a driveway, and stalled itself on a neglected strip of dry grass between houses. It seemed to look back across at me as I stood open mouthed, never having thought it was possible for an apple to travel that far by rolling and bouncing.

This made me want to bowl all of the apples. Maybe there are 100 apples on that retaining wall right now. Hmm.

So I picked one up off of the boulder wall and underhanded it down the driveway. I zigzagged myself back and forth to keep it in view as it hit little bumps, a drain, and the curb, went all the way across the street, and kept going. It seemed to defy gravity, always finding a bounce where it needed one. 

Eventually it slowed, and rolled at a friendly speed right up to the foot of someone's porch stairs, at least twenty feet beyond the curb across the street. It sat there, centered against the front of the bottom step, as if I'd left the homeowner a gift. (But, yuk. But, did I go get it? No.)

I bowled a few more, using less oomph, and these apples ran off merrily down the road, seeking their destiny elsewhere, like most of them do. 

It's hard to meet the many neighbors across the street. The steep hill means it's not easy to just hang out outside. The sidewalk is narrow. And in an unusual layout, extra-long driveways contain five or more houses set back off the street—not like in a planned subdivision, but seemingly each built as one-offs. Maybe developers built those houses when demand was high but before planning and zoning were really organized on this street. You hardly know how many houses are back there, and people go in and out in their cars so it has been impossible to chat. 

I do not want to make any "enemies." How weird would it be to get annoying fermenting wormy apples in your driveway or lawn and then see that it’s this white-haired 60-year old who’s throwing them. No more bowling! I promise! I’m not even going to go make a video to embed in this post. Even though I want to.